Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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