you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
