3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She said her name was "party"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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