I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
