I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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