One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize