So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
