No stitches, just platelets and will power
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
