You made me cry and you don't even care
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
