I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize