I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
