I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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