GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm just crazy horny about you
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
