I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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