we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
