i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you would pick up someone in the library
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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