My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
