distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
