well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
