Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
