Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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