i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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