Betty ford says i'm here all night
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
