I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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