worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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