im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Randomize
