i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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