You're my little dorito
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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