Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
