I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
