I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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