i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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