I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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