Its about making memories worth repressing
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
