please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
