yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
