Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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