Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
