I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
