I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
