I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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