Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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