I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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