Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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