This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
