The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
