thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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