I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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