i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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