so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
