i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
