once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
