smell my finger.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Never joke about your clitoris.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
