My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
