it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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