ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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