shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
As shirtless as possible
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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