I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
