I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
