On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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