question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
