I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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