why didn't you poke me back
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
not ubering you a puppy
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
