do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
