"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
