you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
