She is in my trunk
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
