So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
