I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
