Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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