i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
