Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize
