youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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