They should really pass out barf bags in church
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
