He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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