How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
